From the desk of Victor Pride
Subj: Embracing your true nature
I recently received this comment from a B&D commenter who is interested in developing self-confidence:
Hi Vic, what can we do when we are no longer able to regain our self-confidence ? Do you have some advice to find it? It’s very hard to live with no self-confidence and many people would like to have your advice. Thank you.
Many people lose their confidence because they are not doing the right activity for them.
For example, some big fat guys who are built like powerlifters with thick bones, ligaments and joints are wasting away eating salads, doing yoga, and jogging on a treadmill all day long trying to lose weight.
This activity is fine for a skinny guy, or a girl, but for a man who is not built for it the only thing this activity does is wreck his confidence. Yoga, cardio and salads do not fit a man who is built like a lumberjack.
If you're born to be a big fat powerlifter but you're doing activities like running on a treadmill and dieting on salads with low-fat salad dressing and no croutons you will not have any confidence.
Confidence comes from doing what you are supposed to be doing, and doing it well.
Your body knows what it should and shouldn't do so if you don't do the right thing you get the wrong results.
I was born to be a selfish narcissistic bodybuilding jerk who stares at himself in car windows. Many people would find this hard to accept, but I don't. It is just reality and I embrace it.
Maybe you were born to be an ice-hockey player, a ping-pong player, a guitar player, a this or that. It doesn't matter what, but it is something and you are not doing it.
Some people may refer to is as ‘cognitive dissonance'. The brain thinks “I was born to do this, but I'm doing that” and an imbalance is created. The result of this imbalance is lack of confidence.
Confidence = certainty
If you are not certain of your ability you will not be confident.
To have ultimate self-confidence you must embrace your true nature.
If you embrace your true nature with no apology it is not possible to lack confidence. If you do not embrace your true nature it is not possible to ever develop confidence.
Confidence comes from truth, it does not come from living a lie. That is called false confidence and it is easily wrecked. True confidence cannot be broken, it simply is.
Do what you are supposed to be doing and the confidence will come back as a result. If whatever it is you are doing “feels wrong” at a deep level that you cannot really explain, don't do it.
A lot of men wreck their confidence by doing feminine activity like yoga, cardio classes, practicing empathy and understanding, and meditating. Women wreck their confidence when they try to be as men.
Many people who read too many self-help books think that a “positive mindset” resets the switch and gives you ultimate confidence but here is the reality…
Accepting a positive mindset in a situation that is less than you desire is simply accepting to be “less than”.
Years ago I had a job that I hated and I would always make it known that I hated the job and it was temporary. A young lady I was with said I should just accept it and think positive about it, since I had to do it anyway.
I said I will never accept this job as my life, I will never think positive about this job, I will never allow this job to be anything more than temporary. I said I will never give in and be as these people.
I have never accepted having a job with anything other than a negative mindset. If I had accepted a positive mindset I'd still be there wasting away instead of being here drilling and killing.
Many people have a negative mindset because they are doing the wrong thing in life. If what you're doing is wrong, you must change what you are doing.
The right mindset will come naturally when you do the right thing and embrace your true nature. It is not necessary to be falsely positive, it is necessary to become and embrace truth.
If what you are doing is wrong for you, walk away. If you embrace a positive mindset while doing something that is not true to you, you will only be embracing a life of “less than”.
DEFINITENESS OF PURPOSE
Embracing your true nature is the definition of purpose.
A big fat powerlifter will never succeed as a yoga/cardio/salad eater just as a yogi vegetarian will never succeed as a powerlifter. A big fat powerlifter will succeed only as a big fat powerlifter and must embrace his nature to achieve true purpose.
When you embrace your true nature, ultimate confidence comes as a by-product.
For example, I was the worst insurance salesman who ever lived. Now, I am the greatest blog artist who ever lived.
I was doing the wrong thing and now I'm doing the right thing and confidence simply developed naturally. This is the only way confidence develops, by doing the right thing.
It is not even a matter of confidence, or arrogance…
It just is what it is, and I am certain of it.
Like Popeye said so many times…
“I am what I am.”
What are you?
Until next time.