“I was pretty much afraid of everything. Afraid of the world. Afraid of speaking. Really, really shy kid. Music was a way to speak.”
Can you guess who said that?
A) Anonymous shy kid on the internet or
B) Lead singer of Metallica, the most popular heavy metal group of all time
The correct answer was B. James Hetfield, the lead singer of the multi-platinum selling band Metallica, was a cripplingly shy kid who grew into a shy adult who made millions singing to enormous crowds of people.
Shy?! But he sings in the most popular metal band of all time! How?
Easy answer. He's a performer not a conversationalist. Performance is not the same thing as polite conversation with strangers. Performance isn't real (therefore easier) and at the same time performance bares the artist's soul and is completely real (which fulfils the need for expression).
Performance is more, it's bigger, it's grander and it's….easier to do than talking to strangers (if you're shy). Introverts like to live in their own world. Performance allows artists to have their voice heard, in the way they want it to be heard, and they can be “in their own world” at the same time.
“I could journal, just write poetry, or write whatever was in my head and sit down, strum a few chords and put that together and – that's me! That's me telling the world about me when I can't do it on my own.” -James Hetfield
…And that's how shy introverts succeed – they perform.
Everything “social” is a performance for shy people. That's why shy people are so drained after spending the day with family, spending the day at work, spending the night schmoozing at a party. Being around groups of people drains a shy person's energy – because the shy person was putting on a performance the whole time.
Every man who is shy must read these two articles:
- The #1 Legal Supplement That Relieves Stress and KILLS Social Anxiety
- The Magic Pill To Beat Social Anxiety
Being social with strangers doesn't come naturally to introverts. It's not normal for them. To get through it, they simply act. It's always a performance, whether big or small.
Sometimes shy people perform as artists, sometimes they perform as an outgoing person, but it's always a performance for a shy person. Talking to new people is a performance, not a natural act.
The best shy people perform so well that other people don't even know that they are shy.
You can perform so well that people don't know that you are performing. When I tell girls “I'm shy” they laugh in my face and say “hahaha! You're so funny! You're definitely not shy!”
The joke is on them I suppose, I'm the shyest person I know. When I was a kid I couldn't talk to anyone. You really have to get to know me for me to be comfortable enough with you to do simple things like laugh.
Do you know how I got over my shyness?
I simply pretend not to be shy. I put on a performance around people I don't know. I pretend to have a conversation with them, I pretend to care.
And that's how I got over my shyness, I forced myself to perform as an outgoing, sociable person.
Performance takes the “edge” out of being social. A performance isn't “you”, it's an act. You simply act like you aren't shy. If you act enough, it becomes real, second nature.
The things we think and do always end up becoming true. I performed enough as an outgoing person that now no one believes I am shy. My performance became true. I faked it 'til I made it.
A lot of highly successful people are shy (more than one would expect) they just don't show their shyness to the world. Quite simply, they act. They act as though they are not shy. They perform.
How shyness can help you
I get this question all the time: “I'm introverted, how can I possibly succeed with this disability?”
And I always respond the same way: Being introverted isn't a curse, it's a blessing.
Being shy or introverted isn't a hindrance or a disability. It's quite the opposite. It gives you time to think, plan and develop. Introverts have the time and desire to be alone and develop a skill – a skill that may allow you to speak to the world, even if you have a hard time speaking to Becky next door.
Extroverted people become energized when they are around people. Introverts become drained around people. Introverts need alone time to re-energize.
And it's what introverts do in their alone time that can lead them to mega-success. When you're alone you need something to do, you can't just sit there doing nothing, you need something to work on. And that's where shy people can develop talents and skills…
They have free time, they have alone time, and the “geniuses” are the shy people who used their alone time to develop a skill. Like James Hetfield, who used his alone time to learn the guitar. Like Dr. Dre who used his alone time to create music beats.
Shy people can be quite sensitive too. All great artists are sensitive people, when you peel back the mask that they put on.
Many, many of the most successful artists are actually very shy people. It takes a certain introversion to develop a talent + skill. That's because it takes time to develop a skill, time you don't have if you're out being social all the time.
Introverts have more free time than extroverts (time for practice, not time for play). Shy people have the need for alone time, and that alone time gives them the time to learn and perfect a craft or skill.
Talented introverts often spend years “in the shadows” developing a talent or skill-set. Then they seem to come out of nowhere (overnight successes).
Many of the biggest celebrities who ever lived were shy introverts.
It's often the people who have an inability to form a connection with a small group of people that have the ability to form a mega-connection with strangers (fans). They would often rather be in front of a large crowd performing than be schmoozing at a party.
Why would that be? Why would many of the most famous and talented artists and celebrities be shy? It's because:
A) They had the alone time to develop a skill or craft and
B) They are skilled performers
They excel at performance but they don't know how to have a conversation with strangers. It's a nice trade-off.
I was recently watching an interview with rapper and music producer Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre is very famous as being the #1 rap producer of all time, making more hits than anybody.
While watching the interview with Dr. Dre I was struck by just how much this loud, boisterous “gangsta rapper”…
Was actually very shy!
He didn't make eye contact much, he was often looking away, he was humble, and he wasn't braggadocious. He obviously lived in his own world (which is where all artistic geniuses live) and he seemed quite sensitive.
The interviewer mentioned that Dre rarely (if ever) gives interviews. Obviously not a big fan of talking to strangers, but a big fan of working and bringing the vision in his head to reality.
He obviously isn't out schmoozing all the time, yet he is one of the most successful rappers/producers of all time, currently worth an estimated 700 million dollars.
How did a shy guy get so famous as a loud mouth rapper? He performed as a loud mouth gangsta rapper, that's how. He performed so well that we all believed it.
There's a myth that you need to be loud and boisterous to be successful. But that could not be further from the truth.
Intelligent people are often (but not always) introverted and shy. It's better to be intelligent than to be boisterous.
If you did need to be loud and boisterous to be successful you can just pretend. Just perform as a loud and boisterous person, and then go home where you can be quiet. It's called acting, and introverts can be very good at it.
An intelligent person can pretend to be boisterous and people will believe it. A boisterous but un-intelligent person can never believably pretend to be intelligent.
(I'm not saying all boisterous people are un-intelligent, but many are).
What to do if you're shy?
5 steps to forget shyness:
- Don't feel sorry for yourself – Being shy isn't a curse or a burden, it's a benefit.
- Put on a performance – Simply act as if you aren't shy in situations that require you to be social.
- Follow 30 Days of Discipline – 30DOD will make you get out of your head and force you to “act”. That act will eventually become the real you.
- Learn a skill – Use your alone time to develop a skill (a central theme of the 30DOD program)
- Have a mission – You cannot succeed without a mission, doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted. Have a goal, a purpose, a mission and everything else is easy.
More important than introversion or extroversion, to succeed wildly you need to be smart.
How smart do you have to be?
You have to be a genius.
But! you don't need to be a genius in all areas of study, you don't have to be a book-smart nerd, you only need to be a genius in one area to find big success.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. is a genius. He isn't book smart, he can't even read, but he is a boxing genius. That boxing genius led him to great wealth.
Floyd spent the time learning his skill (boxing), now he spends his time performing his skill (in boxing matches). He used the patented V. Pride Shy Guy Training Method ™ and he's not even shy.
Frankly, if you do the work you will succeed.
Makes no difference if you are introverted, extroverted, this or that, or blah blah blah….
You still gotta do the work.
The recipe works for anyone. Whether you're shy or outgoing the success recipe is still the same…..
Learn the skill, use the skill.
Until next time.
PS – Don't forget to start your blog and put your thoughts into it. You can use your blog as a journal and let it be your voice, the same way James Hetfield used his journal to write down his thoughts and get his voice out.
BADNET will do all the behind-the-scenes work for you, for free. It doesn't get any better than free and easy and clean.
Let the genius out and don't worry about the tech stuff, that's BADNET's job. You write, we tech.
PPS – Here are two articles every man who is shy must read: