From the desk of Victor Pride
Subj: A taboo topic
I recently received this email from a reader:
Your blog/topics have been extremely helpful to many men including myself. You boldly discuss the topics and in simple words you make sense.
Some people in your audience would appreciate if you discuss “how to cope or deal with a past experience of sexual abuse”
It is a topic considered by many men as taboo but Victor there is no denial that sexual abuse happens especially when you are a neglected child.
Those who were sexually abused and have fear to say it need an advice from someone like you.
Your skills to communicate and create an impact on people's life are needed to discuss a topic of this nature.
Thank you for your time. Have a great day.
Here's my thoughts…
The only solution is to live a healthy life right now. The past is the past and what is done is done. You cannot undo it so you must move forward.
1) Never turn to alcohol or drugs
They don't “make you forget”, they simply kill you in a quicker manner than life would naturally. Drugs and alcohol are a form of slow suicide, they are not a coping mechanism. THEY DO NOT HELP YOU COPE! They simply take you out of your own mind long enough to die without having to pull the trigger yourself. Nearly all who commit suicide had an alcohol or drug problem. This includes marijuana! Do not ever smoke marijuana, not even once. It is a poison pretending to be a cure. Anybody who tells you marijuana is a great escape is a drug addict not to be trusted. 100 years ago, drunkards pretended alcohol and tobacco were medicines as well.
Do not use any drugs period! This includes drugs from a doctor, tobacco and even coffee. Yes, do not drink coffee as it is not a “harmless bit of fun” but a true drug, not to be used carelessly. You must be clean from all intoxicants and stimulants if you are to thrive. You must learn to be with yourself, only. People with no emotional hangups can drink coffee, people with emotional hangups cannot. Your mind must remain crystal clear at all times. Carless people who have dealt with past abuse and turn to drugs often become an abuser, even if only in their own mind. ALWAYS BE FREE FROM DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. There is no exception to this rule.
2) Get plenty of outdoor exercise and fresh air every day
Vigorous and brisk daily outdoor exercise is a must to develop the vitality you need to succeed and thrive. You need abundant fresh air and you need to exercise hard enough so that you breathe deeply. Abundant oxygen is imperative to live a healthy, happy life and the only way you get truly deep breathing done is by doing hard exercise. Breathing exercises are a joke compared to real exercise. When you exercise vigorously you will breathe deeply in the most natural manner possible and the oxygen will be your great reward. Breathing exercises can never mimic the true, deep breathing you accomplish when you exercise vigorously. Forget breathing exercises and just exercise, the deep breathing will come naturally. Deep breathing is a must for a healthy life of vigor. I know it's hard to find outdoor activities these days, so here's what you can do: find a way and don't complain.
3) Eat a hearty diet that promotes vigor and vitality
Your diet must be abundant but also free from the foods that promote sickness. These foods that promote sickness are refined sugars, refined flour, refined oils, modern GMO wheat and modern foods. Like Jack Lalanne said, if man made it, don't eat it! It is NOT necessary to diet or limit your caloric intake. In fact, it is best if you do not limit your caloric intake and simply eat until you are full and satisfied. Eating until you are fulfilled produces “feel good” chemicals (all jolly people love to eat). This style of eating produces an abundance mindset, limiting your food via dieting produces a scarcity mindset which you want to avoid (unless you are a bodybuilder, fitness enthusiast etc.). Eating to stay lean, though it makes you look good, can make you miserable. Food is what makes people happy so I recommend you eat until you are full but never beyond.
Note that eating until you are fulfilled is not the same as over-eating or binging. Eat enough so that you are satisfied and move on. DO NOT SNACK! Eat 2-4 meals daily depending on your activity level. 2-3 meals is best for most people on earth, 4 meals for a very active athlete. Regarding what foods to eat, you must become your own scientist and find the foods that work for you. Many diets look great on paper but fail in reality. I say processed MSG is a poison, Johnny Montana might say it helps him thrive. You be the judge of what works for you.
4) Develop iron self-discipline
Only you have the power to move forward or dwell in the past. To move forward takes iron discipline. You must command yourself to do it and you must follow those commands as if they came from General Patton himself. You already know that nobody will help you in this world if you do not help yourself. Follow 30 Days of Discipline exactly to learn how to be in complete control of yourself.
5) Go for long power-walks every day
Many people like to poke fun at power-walkers. I call those people sedentary. Power-walks are some of the best exercise known to mankind and that should be evident because POWER is the first word. Walking is one of the most important things humans can do for their mood, their appetite, their sleep, and their fitness. Walking clears and calms the mind like no other exercise. Go for a 1-2 hour power-walk and do it every single day, 7 days per week. Long walks are a must, they are not optional. ENERGY COMES FROM MOVEMENT. Use your arms wildly and you will build energy like a locomotive. It isn't hard, just do it.
You can listen to empowering podcasts on your power-walks. I have never listened to this show but I have heard that the Jocko Willink podcast is excellent and covers many topics like self-discipline. I suggest you download some episodes and go for a long walk every night while learning the discipline of a soldier. You can also listen to funny, “entertainment” style podcasts as they can put you in a good mood. Whatever it is that you like, put it on and go for a walk.
6) Commit yourself to living your life mission
If you don't have anything to live for, you aren't going to do much living. Study The Good Gospel of Bold & Determined and your destiny will reveal itself to you (hint: you already know exactly what you want to do with your life). Commit yourself to your life mission and don't look back. When you feel like quitting, keep going. Every quitter ended up in the exact same place: nowhere. Everyone who had the endurance to continue in the face of adversity ended up in the same place: on the top of the mountain.
7) Do not go to therapy
Therapists will want you to call yourself a victim, they will give you a victim mentality and you will always be a loser if you allow yourself to be the victim. You must be stronger than a victim, you must control your life as it is right now. And right now you are no longer a victim. If you want good advice, you must get good advice from strong people. All therapists are neurotic, crazy, perverted people and they will make you worse because they will force you to constantly re-live and overthink the issue when what you need to do is suppress and forget it. Just say no to therapists and say yes to vigorous physical activity.
8) Lift weights
With a strong body comes a strong mind. Weightlifting teaches you to push past mental barriers. When you lift weights you will learn one valuable lesson: your body is the slave of your mind. Whatever you command your body to do, it will do. You must possess the mental fortitude to command of your body and lifting weights teaches you this mental fortitude. When you want to quit at 7 reps but you promised yourself 10 reps, you must get those 10 reps. Nothing in the world feels better than completing your goal when your body wanted to quit. It is this feeling of achievement that separates the depressed from the jolly, the weak from the strong. When you command 10 reps, get those 10 reps and you will feel like a new man every day.
Jack Lalanne lifted weights 7 days a week, Victor Pride lifts weights 7 days a week, you will lift weights 7 days a week. Each day you lift weights, you will make yourself push past at least one mental barrier. You will go past the point in which your body wanted to quit. You will do this or you will never know vitality and vigor. Follow Body of a Spartan to learn the value of true weight training.
9) Train martial arts
Martial arts will allow you to get out your pent-up aggression and they will give you the feeling of safety knowing you can defend yourself. Start with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as it will allow you to wrestle frequently with others on your same level without getting seriously injured. Be very careful to take care of your joints as they will be with you for a lifetime. Remember, you are not necessarily training to become a world champion (though you could), you are training to become mentally confident enough to rid a fear of conflict. People can smell fear, so wash the stench of fear off of yourself via martial arts training, weight lifting, vigorous outdoor exercise, a hearty diet, and a strong mental attitude of confidence.
10) Focus on the future
You must absolutely limit the time you spend thinking about the past, you must busy yourself every single day with vigorous and violent exercise, you must eat a diet that promotes a healthy life, you must take ownership of you life and yourself as you are right now and you must work like hell to develop the version of yourself you wish to see in the future. What's done is done, stop thinking about it. Go live right now.
Until next time.