Subj: How to be a Lone Wolf and not be lonely
I talk a lot about being a “lone wolf”.
But I also make up my own definitions of the words and my definition of a lone wolf may be different than the popular definition of a lone wolf.
The google definition of a lone wolf is: a person who prefers to act or be alone.
My definition of a lone wolf is: a person who is self reliant, self determined, self motivated and a little selfish.
It has come to my attention that a lot of the readers of B&D have assumed being a lone wolf and being lonely are the same. Assuming that if you are to build a business you must also be lonely. As if being lonely is the price for freedom. It isn’t.
If you are lonely there is a very simple solution: Don’t be alone.
Human beings are social creatures and we all need the company of humans. Even in prison, amongst murderers, rapists and thieves, solitary confinement is a punishment.
I never want to imply that it’s good to spend all of your time alone or that it’s a good character trait. It isn’t. Being lonely isn’t good for the soul. Maybe it builds character but there’s a point where character building stops and living life starts.
What I do want to imply is that it is better to not require constant attention, approval or validation from family, friends, peers and colleagues.
It is better to be driven from within. The approval and validation will come with time and success but it won’t come from playing by the rules.
The V. Pride definition of a lone wolf doesn’t mean that…
- you can’t or shouldn’t have friends
- you can’t or shouldn’t have a girlfriend
- you have to build a business in solitary confinement in your house
- you should be alone all the time
- you need to be lonely
It does mean that you should be self reliant, self determined, self disciplined, and in charge of your own destiny. Your fate is in the hands of no one but yourself. If you have chosen a life of loneliness then that is your cross to bare, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
The question is asked of me a lot, “how do you deal with loneliness while building an online business? You spend your days at home, alone, on the computer. What do you do for companionship, what do you do for conversation, how do you deal with the loneliness?“.
My answer is always the same. If you’re lonely then don’t be alone. That’s what I do. Yes, my work is done on a computer in the comfort of my own home, yes I don’t go to a fluorescent office and spend 8 hours a day with people I hate, yes I’m a lone wolf.
But I am rarely alone and I am never lonely.
The ability to make money online gives me the freedom to go out and enjoy life in a way that 9-5 feet-draggers never could. I can spend as much or as little time with my loved ones as I want. My young lady stays here with me and she doesn’t have to work at a job and I don’t have to work at a job. That’s how I deal with loneliness.
9-5 regular Joes and Janes are stuck all day at work with people they hate, roasting under fluorescent lights, spending time away from the ones they care about and then they have the nerve to ask me how I “deal with loneliness”.
My answer? I don’t deal with loneliness because I’m not lonely.
Here’s the reality: Being a lone wolf and doing things your own way gives you more freedom and more time to spend with the ones you care about. Being a 9-5 schlub takes time away from you that could have been spent with your family and friends.
But what do you do if you’re lonesome? What if you don’t have anyone to spend your time with? How do you correct this?
If you’re lonely then don’t be alone. Go meet people. Be around people. If people don’t want to be around you then that is a problem you need to correct.
Lonely people have a lot of negative energy surrounding them and it’s a real turn-off to other people. That wasted energy should instead be used for self-improvement.
Don’t let your loneliness become a self-fulfilling prophecy. A lot of lonely people talk themselves into staying lonely and they talk others into staying away.
Be the man you wish to be and be the man other people want to spend time with. It’s all up to you. We all need companionship and intimacy. That’s nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about. If loneliness is an issue for you, put in the work and fix it.
See these classic Bold and Determined articles for more tips:
- Why You Should Have Ass-Kicking Friends
- How to Meet Shy Girls
- How to Pick the Right Wife (Vic’s personal advice: Don’t get married)
- How to Be Attractive to Women
Until next time.
PS - I know the lonesome doves on the internet are real happy saying “you have to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else” but that’s a simple rationalization for being lonely, being single, or being promiscuous. It isn’t a solution, it’s a cop-out.